A Fox Called Expectations
Submitted by kim on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 14:06 in Character Building
I was looking through some old files recently and ran across a letter I wrote to my daughter her first year of college. A young man was showing some kindness to her, but was not very clear on his intentions. I wrote about her expectations and how dangerous they could be:
"Take the relationship by the degrees metered out in daily portion. Do not borrow trouble from tomorrow by expecting more than he is willing to give freely each day in company or emotion. Please know my dear, that I too, once lay awake at night wondering if your Daddy might love me. Wondering how I would know for sure that he did. If my first name, matched with his last, would look pretty when I wrote it. Wondering if our baby girl would be beautiful. (She is!) It is normal in your position to be swept up in wondering. But be cautious. Don't let wondering become expecting. For expecting becomes pressuring. Pressuring becomes manipulation."
Dealing with expectations is not just something we have to face when we are dating - I am still working through my expectations of my husband after years of marriage. My husband's daily work allows him a fifteen minute break at 9:30 a.m. For years, I have known that if we are going to talk at all in the morning, it will be at 9:30. I don't tend to call him first because I know this is his only chance to get a bite to eat, sit and rest. Frequently, I've found myself watching the clock... 9:15: "I wonder if he's going to call today." 9:20: "I really hope he calls, I have to tell him about...." 9:25: "And I'm going to tell him about...." 9:27: "He better call, it is so important that I talk to him." 9:35: I check my phone. 9:40: Check the phone again. 9:50: "I can't believe he didn't call!" I then stew over how disappointed I am that he didn't want to talk to me during his break! What a mess! I set myself up expecting something that my husband had no idea I was expecting, and then I am disappointed with the outcome, and ultimately, disappointed with him. If I sit in that disappointment for very long, my destroyed expectations will affect our conversation when he does call me. Expecting things, (time, money, attention, love, etc.) from others will ruin our relationships with them. This is not a new problem to our generation. Elizabeth Prentiss, in her book, Stepping Heavenward, a journal beginning in 1831, writes: "One more desperate effort to make harmony our of the discords of my house, and one more failure. Ernest forgot that it was our wedding anniversary, which mortified and pained me, especially as he had made an engagement to dine out. I am always expecting something from life that I never get. Is it so with everybody?"
So what is the alternative?
Another except from my letter to my daughter:
"Christ is sufficient. Think about it. It is that simple. If he doesn't call you today, Christ is sufficient. If he wants to take you to dinner but plans get changed at the last minute, Christ is sufficient. If your relationship buds and blossoms and then for some reason stagnates, Christ is sufficient. Choosing to focus on Christ's sufficiency rather than your expectations is a step towards godliness."
Today, may the Lord, in your moments of unfulfilled expectations, allow you to say, "Christ is sufficient."
